gOoD fRiEnDz aRe hArD tO fInD.. bUt bEsT fRiEnDs is iMpOsSiBlE tO fInD...

Photos...

2005-02-07T02:12:00.000+08:00

haiz..

2004-10-27T05:03:00.000+08:00

look like an dead person now ba.. restless.. hopeless.. lifeless..
exam over le.. should be happy ba.. but somehow, dun feel anything..
anxious about results??? not really lor.. every subject should be A+ i think if nothing go wrong.. but wat the point.. any1 to share?? NO.. my parents dun even care a damn.. sometimes really wonder why people get so happy when they get good results.. to me, nothing different.. just a piece of paper..
after going through so much things, saddness i mean, nothing really interested me le ba.. life seem so bored.. so long.. feeling tired.. and sick of everything in this world.. looking at everyone, fighting for their dreamz, their loved one and their goals while me just stand aside and look.. and ask myself where's me?? haiz..
perhaps what i am short of is fighting spirit or determination.. that what i am now ba.. even though i got time to study during exam.. i dun even bother to do so.. haiz.. forgetit..
that's life ba.. for now, just be an souless guy and float around ba.. rest and sleep perhaps one day, if i am just too tired of life, i might just forget to wake up.. haha..

eXaM tHaT sEeM nOt LikE a eXaM..

2004-10-24T03:41:00.000+08:00

long time never update blog le.. lazy to do so ba..
exam is coming .. supposing to feel nervous, worried, excited ba.. but to me, it seem like a holiday.. never study at ALL lor.. but still manage the exam quite ok la.. del and eg 2 with no problem at all.. as for programming and dcca, did not do well ba.. i got one question in programming wrong lor.. cost about 10 marks.. and dcca, did not have time to do the last question.. 6 marks.. + careless mistake.. haiz.. but really it's ok for me..
NP paper are just too easy liao.. everybody is competing for full marks in the paper.. i think i didn't do well for this exam lor.. because i sleep late ( around 4 ).. did not prepare or even try question.. too over confident le ba.. haha.. perhaps the truth is i not really that interested in engineering ba.. I am just more interested in maths.. has been learning linear algebra during exam period.. haha.. i think i am crazy lor..
I think i made the wrong choice ba.. to come poly.. perhap i should stay in jc.. haha.. poly life are so sianz.. too much free time for a person like me ba.. 24 hours per week for lecture only lor..
Thinking of taking up the f - maths paper the next year leh.. but dun think can finish the syballus on time.. as for c math, left with the mechanics and statistics lor..
Next week, should be completing linear algebra and start with statistics le.. or there will be not enough time lor.. haha.. cybrary is a perfect place for studying lor.. see how ba.. next week should be in cybrary for the whole week ba..
ok le.. going to sleep le.. good night..

Tired Day..

2004-10-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

Today is damn tired lor.. Got Programming MCQ test and del test.. and that stupid del test.. That teacher mark me wrong for writing something extra.. today lunch thought meeting seong for lunch.. Sianz..In the end, wait for 30 minutes, he didn't turn up.. call him liao.. he, as usual, diverted it to voice mail.. after that, saw him in class.. he say he msg me liao.. fine lor.. my hp low batt... never bring to school ma.. after waiting for half an hour, didn't have time to eat.. then go for tests le.. after programming test, that teacher start showing us funny fruits that she brought from dun know where.. then after that she saw me drinking coke and she ask me to collect 10,000 tabs.. saying that it can buy a wheelchair for misfortunate.. abit lame lor.. after class, went to look for seong, asking him to bring laptop on monday to let me do MOL.. abit lame but no choice..

Later, going for del lab test, then the teacher say i belong to lower half.. then i go for lunch first with my friend.. on the way, saw seong.. he say going home le, skipping del lesson.. then i say bye to him lor.. going back for del test.. then let that teacher mark me wrong for something that i wrote extra..

Later, coming back to amk, called wei de to find out whether got work or not.. actually feeling veri tired le.. then wei de dun want to work.. then i have to go.. after that, sianz lor.. worked for 5 hours.. coming back home le.. that tian zun msg me say wan to take the creative mouse.. i say ok lor.. i go down to funland and give it to him.. back home around 1230.. looking forward to holiday.. can met up with wei chin and cs to chat..
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Really hard to find a friend to talk to.. I give up le.. last time, with cs, thought that he will be my best friend liao.. but in the end, one in poly and one in nyjc.. sianz.. even that time, normally is i who hear what his problem is but he seldom listen to my problem.. As there is a saying.. A person who give u happiness will give u back the equal amount of sadness.. quite true.. so much things happened between cs and me le.. how much problem i give to him and how much he give to me.. cannot finished counting.. From he and mabel go stead until now, almost one year le.. he now so busy with school work.. dun wish to bother him lor and he still got mabel to deal with.. haha.. hope that there is someone beside me to guide me, like an older brother, but there isn't... hope that CS can pass his promo lor.. and wei chin also.. then i got free meal from cs.. haha.. if he pass, i think i will treat him rather than he treat me ba.. CS la.. haha, from him, i found motivation and determination.. he really is a guy who show great determination but i cannot do it.. he can drink red bull and coffee until he fall sick just to study.. me huh.. cannot lor.. if cannot finished, i will just leave it... I think cs now must be drinking lots and lots of coffee and red bull..
now, cs is jc, he will find his own friend and i will find mine in poly.. i think that the end le ba.. how to maintain friendship like that??
I give up my search for best friend (perhaps CS is already one but lost) and finished what i supposed to do and leave this world quietly..

ChAnGeS..

2004-10-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

Haha, today is my off day.. whole day in deyi library.. actually not really lor.. in the afternoon playing lan with seong.. abit sianz.. long time never play generals le.. abit not used to it.. later in the library, i go find my maths question to entertain myself.. haha.. abit lame.. Oh ya.. forget about something.. after finishing playing lan, me and seong met the library gang to eat.. abit funny.. seong and yulin sit together but never hold hands or do anything.. sianz.. they two are funny couple.. after that, went to creative alone.. 3 hours journey there and back.. sianz..
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Some thoughts of the Days..
Changes happened everyday.. Changes led to changes... the so called cause and effect ba.. everything has its cause and effect.. As human, we cannot really know what will happened.. Everytime we do something that we regret, we will tell ourselves if that never happened or this never happened, how good it is.. but who knows.. perhaps that regret path that u choose to take is already the best... Conclusion.. Never regret anything that u do.. believe in urself and move on.. Things will come out better..
Haha.. so good in theory.. but i believe i will not be able to do it.. i still regret what i do..
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I got bad feeling that something will happened..

uNtItIEd..

2004-10-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

two days never updated blog le.. reason being i stay in my friend house overnight.. not time to update lor.. that day after i leave my friends house, i msg seong, cynthia and cher siang.. only cynthia and cs reply expected.. then, cs say got question ask me.. i say ok lor.. meet on monday.. haha.. feel abit excited cause long time never see him le ma.. monday can see him liao.. then when working also requested not to work on monday.. looking forward to monday.. but as usual, sad thing always come out in no where.. just about 5 minutes ago, received his message saying dun meet le.. sianz... monday will be free liao lor.. asking seong out to movie.. but he also never reply.. ask him go library on monday.. he also never reply.. his message veri expensive ba.. must keep to his important person and not someone like me.. kinda of disappointed and sad when received that message but life still continue.. just went to michelle blog.. saw her entry.. kinda sad too.. tomolo planning to go library.. after that, i going to creative to take the mp3 lor..
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SoMe tHoUgHtS oF tHe dAyS...
sometimes, things are so funny.. I am born with gift to understand things faster than normal people but understand people feeling slower.. the so called IQ high, EQ low.. After i go poly, saw my class people.. those ITE people.. feel abit sad for them ba.. they keep fighting and fighting.. to score good result, great score.. heard some of them say about being looked down by people in ITE.. perhaps i kinda went through before ba, therefore can understand how they feel.. something about them that made me envious and abit jealous.. that thing is the bond between them.. Strong friendship bond among them.. maybe that something i will never get.. My so called best friend dun even remember my birthday, my friends all busy during my birthday, never even receive any birthday present.. family also never celebrate.. therefore, every year, i feel heart pain and lost... that day, before lecture, saw my class ITE people giving one of my class ITE friend a present.. really envious lor.. feel like crying but i didn't..
i feel that there is no point being smart, being clever.. what the use?? I rather have a best friend, a few good friend and a stead.. i rather be stupid, be dumb.. so what.. maybe that time, i feel much happier than now..
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uNtItLeD aGaIn..

2004-10-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

today, i skip the first lesson again lor.. saw programming teacher on the way to NP.. then go for programming.. after programming, met seong for lunch.. he bring along a friend called jonathan.. i think that jonathan is no different from deyi that one.. both very hardworking.. start stressing people during lunch.. around 1230.. we go to our different classes le.. sianz.. me alone waiting outside for people again.. after a while, my class ITE people come liao.. they brought along a gift.. later then i realised that it is __'s(forget her name liao) birthday!! saw so many people celebrating for her, abit envious but haiz..
Later, during dcca lesson, that teacher show us our marks.. I got the highest in the class of 1c3 and 1c4.. at first, feel happy but then later no feelings liao.. dun know who to share this happiness with..
Perhaps that what i called expectation.. really feeling veri sianz.. plan to tell seong but later decided not to.. cause i know wat he going to say.. sometimes, dun know whether it is a good thing for people to have great expectation of u or not.. but i think that that is a bad thing.. cause even u score very well, they will just say expected.. Once u start asking around, people will say u hao lian.. damn sickening.. in the end, supposely a happy thing become a secret.. not allowed to tell anyone or that person will say u hao lian.. So wat if i score veri well, will i get anything? NOTHING.. my family will not bother about it.. my friend.. haha.. dun even dare to speak of it in front of them or they will say that i hao lian... Then i realised one thing, a person does not need to be smart.. when u are smart, u know more thing thus u need to do more things.. finding people to watch movie on monday.. ask seong liao but he say ask ivan first.. ivan say watch before liao.. sianz..
then at the bus stop, saw seong.. take bus home together.. dun know what to talk to him, so keep talking to his friend.. then he say going to meet friend.. i ask him who?? he say i just need to know it's a friend will do.. fine lor.. anything.. later going to work liao.. Time seem to move so slowly.. I get my pay today but most of my pay is gone.. left with 30 dollars.. sad.. maybe tomolo treat seong eat.. going to sleep le.. today work until 12 lor.. sianz..

UntitleDz..

2004-09-30T01:37:00.000+08:00

Today, boring day lor... First lesson got EG2.. start teaching integration le.. the teacher teach and teach then start teaching integration by substitution.. :< then those who take add math people start asking.. what is the secondary school method.. i told them, what the teacher is teaching is C maths le lor..
After that, seong not eating with me.. abit not used to it.. eat with my classmate lor.. then go library rot..
After that, go for the del lesson.. i volunteer to help teacher to photocopy things.. in the end, i end up with coins... Sianz.. after school, got nothing to do.. Go library celebrate Jo birthday.. when i reach there.. no one is there except JO.. i ask them where they go.. they say go junction 8.. so i think seong should be there ba.. then i stay in library and do my programming.. that illness hit me again and i go to the room.. after a while, feeling ok le then i come out.. later, all come liao, we start celebrating JO birthday.. have quite a fun time.. after that, i go work liao lor.. then i saw seong walking so fast.. dun know wat happened.. at the cross junction, we seperated.. yulin followed seong and me, kunloong & xian yang go the other way..
At my workplace, i started doing my stuff and eat my dinner.. msg seong whether eating tomolo.. actually it is quite rebundunt.. today, never really talk to seong.. wan to persuade him again to go for the training but i didn't.. in the end, i think forget it lor.. No point forcing him to go.. I think he wan more time to be with his stead ba.. haiz..
Today, the whole day veri sianz lor.. wan to find someone to talk to.. at first, think of seong, then cs, then cynthia.. haiz.. in the library that time, i sent a email to him asking him to jia you though abit lame.. i also dunno why i dun wan to msg him.. Wish to find someone to confide in.. but who?? seong? CS?? cynthia??
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Why hold on something not worth fighting or having...
Dreamz.. reality is so different from dreamz... I remember a dream when i taking bus to np..
In my dreamz, saw cs, seong, wei chin, brata celebrate my birthday.. but it's all a dreamz.. so many years le.. Every year, on my birthday, either my parents quarrelled or i celebrate with my arcade friends.. everytime ask them.. all so busy and not free.. this year, ask CS come out.. he insist go home eat.. fine lor.. seong got thing.. on my birthday, all seem so busy.. perhaps that called fate ba.. so i once told myself.. whoever birthday is it.. i try to make sure that the person dun feel sad and have an enjoyable time.. dun be like mine..
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UnTiTlEd...

2004-09-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

today, seong finally admit le.. haha.. I very lame lor.. ask him until he give up liao.. today i skip dcca cause i wake up late ma.. nothing special today.. but trying very hard to ask seong to go training.. but he refused.. haiz.. fine.. try a few more days.. after the deadline, then i forget it le lor..
at first, thought mk will go, thought jun jie will go.. then all never go.. seong even say got 20 cca point also dun go.. seem that no one will go le la..
sometimes, i really wonder why i hold on to my dreamz.. i am sick, tired and sianz of my life.. can any1 give me some hope, some things to hold on to.. nowadays, my illness struck me more often le.. haiz.. see how..

Untitled..

2004-09-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today, i wake up in the morning, realising that it is 10am.. haiz.. thus, i skip OP and i go to deyi library.. After rotting there for quite some time, seong finally come le.. haiz.. knew that he will come.. ask him to go watch new police story but he refused.. then fine lor.. haiz.. then later he ask me go orchard.. actually i wan to go wan lor.. but got work on that day.. suay.. seong ask me lor.. rare case.. everytime i ask him one lor.. and after begging and pleading then he agreed go.. haiz.. sad.. around 2 or 3, i go to np, on bus, i saw the bookshop auntie.. she ask me whether wan to work during holiday.. I told her ok lor.. can.. leave her with my number.. Go np liao.. go into the lecture hall.. only a few people.. hear to that boring briefing.. after briefing, roughly know what is expected..
Now feel abit stress lor, next year need to take C math, this training + CCA.. really hope seong go to the WSS as well.. but see how lor.. next year will be a stressful year ba.. Got advanced engineering maths, got C maths, got work.. haiz.. but for now, still ok.. managing well.. Exam coming le lor.. have not really go study.. Ok.. must work hard.. although i regret coming this course but i still have to carry on.. carry on from the place where i fall..

Wow.. Feel Tired..

2004-09-27T01:53:00.000+08:00

Tomolo start school le lor... Going for OP since seong is going... Brata still never reply me.. I think something went wrong.. Dunno what happened.. Planning to ask seong to go WSS training.. but he say dun wan so dun force him lor.. I know he and yulin go stead.. waiting for him to tell me only.. although i think he not planning to tell me until the whole world know.. I going to WSS.. going to register.. although i know it will be hard but still life is even harder.. when i ask seong to go WSS, he mention about he regret going for ECE..

I think maybe that time, if me and ivan did not persuade him to go ECE.., he will most probably in YJC or biomedical ba.. really regret persuading him.. now, feeling remorseful.. i think i owe him... haiz.. that seong.. really dun know what he wan..

Today, i suddenly start thinking le lor.. what if i never know ming kuang and cs never become my best friend and we never quarrelled.. perhaps now, i will not be in poly.. mostly likely in jc.. if i had not suddenly changed my decision on that night.. maybe i will stay in nyjc.. with htin aung investigating maths problem.. ha.. talking about htin aung.. he is the best opponent in maths that i ever met.. if i in jc, i will not persuade seong and things will not turn out wat it has become now.. looking at the past, made me really feel regret about lots of things..

our future lies in present not past.. guess i should be looking at the past.. Move on from here... stand up from where i fall and changed things that i wan it to be..
Moving alone is really difficult but i will still move on.. though i lost everything but one thing.. that is my dream.. As for WSS, i decided to join since it will be a great help for further studies.. Trying to persuade seong to join... decided to send him a message.. hope to change his mind..
Andy..

Relationship between FriendS and secret...

2004-09-25T03:48:00.000+08:00

Friends and secret are actually related... If a person is ur best friend, he will tell u all the secrets/things that he had.. share his problem with u... If a person is ur good friend, he will tell u part of his secret and things with u but not all..
If a person is just a friend, he will not share any secret with you nor tell u anything about his life...

Friends normally start becoming good friend when they are often together.. but i dun agree with it... If it is true, what is me and as?? Friends, Good Friends or Best Friends
Andy

aS uSuAl...

2004-09-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

today, as usual late for lesson.. that teacher seem not to care.. Haiz.. dun know la.. today, jun jie start talking to me.. seem weird but after a while, everything return to normal le lor.. starting talking and he ask me questions... funny leh.. nowadays, never listen to teacher talking.. only listen to examples... then somehow, i understand everything lor... still got some doubts but lazy to ask la... haiz..
today damn sianz... During lunch break, wait for seong for lunch for 15 minutes.. then got programming lor.. sitting alone.. kanna dump by jun jie.. sianz.. i finish my iac project in programming lesson.. finish liao then go disturb others... then DEL lab test, pluck in and pluck out wire.. until so complex.. I get stunned.. ask teacher for help... then teacher seem to know what i doing... pluck in and out!!! In the end, finally get it done but i am the last one liao..
Then on the way home, wei de called me, say want to intro jobs for me?? I say ok lor... Hope to get that job so that i got income.. haha..

tOdAys fLoOdEd wItH pReSenTaTiOn...

2004-09-20T16:33:00.000+08:00

tOday, i abit crazy lor.. Keep wanted to find out who is ai seong's stead? Today, got two presentation to do. I only prepare for one... That OP and IAC, i anyhow say.. Haha.. We got 12/15 for IAC. That's lame. Dunno why me keep feeling very down today. Try all to keep myself happy but hard. I got a feeling that Cher Siang or Miss Lau had told Ai seong something. Ai Seong acting abit strange. dun know la... Next semester changed class le lor... dunno what will happened next... dun know why, wanted to ask cher siang out for a drink.. Tell him what happened to my family... but in the end, i think that he should be in stress now and having promo exam.. Should not disturb him now... Perhaps wat i was doing today was just to cover up myself ... Until now, I still cannot get past with it... really hope to have a older brother around to tell me what i should do... and to listen to my sorrow...
Haha, later in msn, i saw cs lor... Surprised to see him lor... but he seem really busy... so busy that i really dun wan to disturb him... let him concentrate on promo ba... he seem very worried and pressurised... hoping that he will go to the gathering... Maybe that time, we have TIME to talk.. Life seem so funny... He is so busy with schoolwork but i am so free of schoolwork... I think that the main differences between JC and poly ba... now trying out some question in A level... Wow... Very hard leh... cannot solve some... my brain has started to get rusty le lor...
today is such a crazy day lor... I spent 10 dollars on dinner... haiz.. with jo, xy, esther.. after that, even followed them to shop in ntuc... haiz... i think now i now must go study hard for my maths...

bUsY bUt hApPy dAy,,,

2004-09-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

Wow, today is a damn tiring day... hAd lots of project to do... Oral presentation and IAC.. total of 4 reports... Stress out.. Today, Seong scared me... He say he never save the work lor and close it :<. Luckily, i managed to get it back.. mOrning, go for SW.. Late as usual but luckily today the teacher not there... I am not considered late.. Damn lucky lor... after PE, so sianz... Got three hours before the project meeting. I go library together with OP friends. SlePt at Library for 1 hour and seong finally come liao.. After that, it is already around 5pm le.. I take bus with seong and gary go home... Thought that they will be eating but they didn't.. Then, as usual, i go arcade to find people to eat but no one in zone x. After that, I just went home lor... Playing pool but no one wan to play with me.. Argz... mUst finish 4 report on monday!!! sTreSS...
HaHa, but today quite enjoying... wIth that lamer gary + seong, had lots of laughter when doing project! but next year, going to split class le... Dun know whether i can maintain this friendship...

aNdY

fRiEnDs oR eNeMy???

2004-09-18T01:37:00.000+08:00

How do you tell who is your friend or enemy? I think it is just a thin line between friend and enemy. Your worst enemy will always turn out to be your best friend and your best friend might turn out to be your worst enemy. Haha, sound confusing, isn't it? I remember a good friend of mine once say," To realise the value of friend : Lose one." I think that it sound quite true. People would not realise the importance of thing unless they lose them. That's human. That's life.

It is hard to maintain a friendship but it is easy to lose it. I once swear if I ever find a best friend, I will treasure him/her. No matter what, there is one saying: finding a good friend is as hard as finding a needle in a ocean. Then, I will say, finding a best friend will be as hard as finding a needle in the universe.

I rather be a dumb guy... than a smart guy...

2004-09-17T08:52:00.000+08:00

Yo, best friend are often found when you are in secondary school or primary... I think that it is true... It is really damn hard to find one after u leave secondary school... cause everyone has one...
how to u define a best friend? someone who understand u? but the sad thing is that no one will ever understand me... cause no one know about my past... I remember cynthia once ask me... Why do you always stay in a arcade? I wish to tell her why but i didn't... Every year, I really hate my birthday. Every year, on my birthday, I felt very depressed... Everyone seem so busy... I wish to find someone to celebrate but there is no one.. Only in arcade, i can find friend to celebrate...
Sometime, i rather be a dumb guy than a smart guy... I appear as a person smiling and laughing in my school.. But I am not... I am tired of wearing this mask... but i cannot take off.. Until the day... I die...
Everyone keep things behind my back... My EQ is not that bad... I know it... I really feel very sad... cause whenever i got a good friend who got a stead, i will always be the last to know...
Am i really busybody and went around talking about other secrets...
I am really scared and I really hope someone could remove this pain from me? No matter he or she...

pErFeCt wOrLd...

2004-09-16T02:28:00.000+08:00

If this world is perfect, how nice it will be...
If this world is perfect, dreamz become reality...
If this world is perfect, there will no sadness...
If this world is perfect, everyone will be happy and live happily ever after...
If this world is perfect, there will be no pain...
If this world is perfect, children will be playing happily...
If this world is perfect, there will be no war, no dispute, no argument...
How nice will it be if the world is perfect but too bad, reality is cruel..
btw, if the world is perfect, i will not be what i be now...
Perhaps god made world not perfect to let us realise the importance of things and not to take it for granted... treasure what we have now... and have no regret after i die...
Life sux but it can be beautiful sometimes... BUT NOW, LIFE STILL SUX... Haha..

dReAmZ oR mOnEy

2004-09-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

People are often caught between dreamz and career that bring lots of money... If u had a choice, what would u choose dream or career?? i Think i will choose dream.. Life without a dreamz, what the point?? Haha, but i think in reality, most people will choose dream but when face with obstacle, they will choose career... Sometimes, the tempatation to give up ur dream is so strong but no matter, i have decided... I will fulfil my dreamz no matter what happened...